I Miss The Fire

I hate that your so quiet,I miss your stage it's,the way you can play guitar like  no one. Don't think the world isn't watching.I have introduced people to you .Can't wait to be inspired by Fire again.This isn't long but I will say thank you for helping me to want my music dreams more .The skies the limit.

Times are changing

I loved my SBL family but times are changing.I never expected to stop liking musicians  because of their fans but that's happening.Makes me treasure the4 or 5 people I can trust.People don't care they want recognition and power trips.I don't know what's going to happen. I remind myself these are all fish.they are a ll sink or swim.but I do know one thing .uffda the end

The Latest take on the Challenge Rivals 2

I was blown away by this episode. And sad because I feel like Diem deserved to be in the final more than any of those other girls and I don't get why CT and Wes didn't save her ass.Was it because they have issues with her partner Aneesa? Was it pressure from other players ?Or was it fear?
Maybe just maybe CT realized his true feelings for Diem. Figuring out that the person is meant for you can be a really scary thing.
I am happy that CT and Wes made it to the final but I really question their judgement.
As for the other people playing the game they are the fakes not Diem.Diem to me is the southern girl with the heart of gold. CT is the bad boy who doesn't want to admit that maybe the bad boy is finally about to be reformed by his southern belle.

Yeah the show that hooked me

I admit it I keep coming back for more Real World /Road Rules Challenge and this seasons Rivals 3 has been exciting.I have to admit my two favorites are CT and Diem.What I don't get is why they keep dancing around the fact that they are soul mates and meant to be together.Diem talked about that force that keeps bringing her back.That force is called "fate" especially when you are soul mates.You can't run from your soulmate you'll always be pulled right back to that person.I remember back to when I was first falling in love with my hubby.Its that same force that keeps bringing Diem back to CT.Diem brings out all the great things in CT and that is the side I love about CT.Amidst the tough guy image is a teddy bear with a heart of gold,they balance each other in a way no one else can.Deep down I don't think CT wants to let Diem go he almost lost her to a beast called cancer.
This brings me to Johnny and Paula I think they are jealous of CT and Diem.Johnny just rubs me the wrong way . So yeah I rambled about the challenge but it feels good.

The week before SBL

It's the week before Spencer Bell Legacy show in Madison ,WI.For those not familiar with Spencer Bell you can check out this link www.spencerbellmemorial.ning.com .Its impossible to describe the energy right now but I will try.The energy is almost magical with everyone people are in great spirits as we come together to celebrate Spencer's music ,legacy that lives on but most importantly raise money for adrenal cancer .
Some of us will travel from far corners this week ,others will be watching via the World Wide Web.One thing is for sure there are no words that can accurately describe this man or his music. One thing will also continue to be true long after the last glass has been raised in toast to gratitude.We must find a cure for adrenal cancer.

A three year journey has come to an end!!!!

 When Josh and I began our breastfeeding journey 3 years ago I never imagined I would nurse for so long but as time passed and amidst pressure from various people to wean him I stood my ground.In my heart I knew that he needed his mama's milk.Last week I realized my milk was gone I am not sure why I stopped producing maybe it was simply my body's way of saying I am done but I knew that the time had come to wean Josh.I have learned a few things about breastfeeding and myself along the way:
1)Don't let anyone push you around when it comes to you and your baby's nursing relationship~let your body and heart and little one tell you when the journey is over.
2)Persevere and find support~for me that was wonderful friends including my best friend who was my doula during labor and helped me so much in the days following Josh's birth.
3)Ignore the stares~I am sure I got a lot of strange looks when I nursed in public because I am not a small chested girl but I kept going even had women come up and say good for you at a fair one time.
4)And Finally Cherish the Journey~Josh started preschool a few weeks ago and I realized that he is already growing up so quickly.Cherish the snuggles and nursing sessions.
5)Don't Judge others when it comes to nursing ~I did I feel so bad the thing I have come to know is not everyone can nurse  don't judge them if you don't know why they can't.
Joshua,
Thank you for being my buddy on this amazing nursing journey and for letting me have the experience I always wanted.I love you Mommy

The day I met Sarah Palin

The day I met my political hero was an amazing day.I convinced Lindsay to go see Sarah Palin with me.We had to get her first book so we could get it signed to be at the event.The whole trip was interesting.We avoided getting a ticket cause we got stopped and the cop  let us off when we told him we were on our way to see Sarah Palin.We dropped the girls off with my parents then went to get in line while we didn't  get our books signed Sarah came thru the line with Trig and we did get to talk with her for a few short minutes.I love her views I wish we had someone like her in office.

Thank You Spencer

6 years ago tomorrow a brilliant young man lost a battle he shouldn't have.So many  words I can think of but yet the only one that seems to fit was brilliant.How can  one life that you never met affect you so greatly ?The answer is simple its because of a legacy.A small group of artists ,family and friends dedicated to keeping music alive .
I quit writing and making music for a while.So deep in grief from the loss of my beloved grandma it seemed the music had died in me.Then I found the music of Spencer Bell.
Some are appalled by colorful language but I simply answer that was Spencer at his finest.He never held back,he never censored himself and he never allowed others to place limits on who he was or what he could be.
Spencer is the first artist that has influenced me as an artist to really the person's music.I heard Ben Graupner mention one time in an interview how he studied music and I didn't realize how I was doing that until I finished Mouthless Clown recently.
Quite simply I found myself as an artist that  day.To the artist and his family and friends  thank you for keeping his music alive so that others like myself pursuing my passion can study him.
So I simply say Thank You Spencer.

Texas Rose, a short love story

Our story was no different.A tale of love looked down upon.We didn't care.We broke boundaries we shared kisses that hot Texas summer when the sun beat down.I was the owner of a huge cattle ranch and he was a traveling soul seeker with a guitar in hand.He did odd jobs to get himself from place to place but mostly he just wandered looking for work.He said he had inquired about work at the one gas station and they told him to go see Rose at Double M ranch.He had hitched a ride from town in the back of Old Man Jenkins beat down 54 Chevy.

  He definitely stole my breath the minute he came strolling up my broken sidewalk clutching his guitar case with just a knapsack flung over his shoulder.A ruggedly handsome chap in his 20's,it looked like he had not bathed in weeks.It was hard to tell his exact skin tone because of all the dirt.
He knocked quietly and asked in such a southern way if he could speak to Rose. When I quietly mentioned you are looking at her he seemed to stiffen a bit.I held out my hand to shake it and was greeted by a hearty handshake.He said my name is Paul and I heard you are in need of a ranch hand.
I can do anything but rounding up cattle is my speciality.Most men were afraid to come seeking work being thrown off by the fact the owner was a woman.I had inherited the ranch where I ran 2000 head of cattle  from my father.I had always known hard work accomplishing any task just about as well as any man.I had been married many many years ago to a ranch hand that had come to work on papa's land.Ours was a whirlwind courtship we married  after knowing each other just 2 months.Papa approved and that was all that mattered. A month later and barely 18 I found myself pregnant.Nine months later I gave birth to the most precious baby girl we named Miranda but like many children she got sick and died while still very young.My heart forever broken by the fact that my firstborn lay in a childhood grave.The kindly doctor had worned us that another pregnancy could kill me so I made a heartwrenching decision to have a tubal ligation. Like many other young men his age my hubby was soon drafted for the war.Duty to his country called and just when I thought there would be a happy ending after months of being apart, that man you never want to visit did.He brought a flag and condolenses.My heart again shattered and I vowed never to open my heart again because just a month before I had lost my daddy .No I would run the ranch it would be my love.The horses and cattle and dust would be my friend. That is until one day when Paul appeared.
   Rust colored curls framed his handsome face,he only stood 5'10'' or so.His eyes a gorgeous hazel and my heart couldn't think I wonder if somewhere a mama is aching to know where her boy is.
When I asked him how old he was he said 24 ma'am but I am a real hard worker I will prove it.
"Do you have a place to stay?" I inquired
"No ma'am " came a solemn answer
"Will you please stop calling me ma'am make me feel as if I am a heap older than 40"
"Please call me Rose"
"You can stay in the extra room right there ,I think  I might have some clothes left by the last hand I think will fit ,you must be tired from your travels I will run you a bath."
"Thank you Rose"
That even he came alive after a bath I could tell how handsome he was ,I couldn't help but think why hadn't some beautiful girl caught his attention. As we sat around the outdoor fire I listened to him strum his guitar and then he pulled a harmonica out of his pocket.Reminded me of the way my Peter used to play.We talked for hours  and realized how much we had in common.I'll never forget the night he kissed me under the beautiful Texan night sky.I had wished upon a star that somehow my heart could learn to love a young cowboy.Seems my dreams were coming true.
That fateful day came a war had started and with it the dreaded draft.He was young and strong and was quickly picked to go .My heart sank for I knew how he would come back to me but to my surprise he did return.His mind greatly changed from the trauma he saw and holding a deep dark secret.He had met a young nurse ,she had stolen his heart  and he needed to go.They had a baby on the way and he intended to make himself an honest man."I am sorry Rose it hurts me as much as it hurts you but I am obligated now,besides people would not approve of our age difference."
"Who the hell gives a damn Paul it never seemed to matter before why do you care what people think?"
"I figured out what I want to do with my life  and I been talking to people.I want to follow my dream of being a singer,songwriter,actor and I am moving out to California to have a shot at my dream"
"We both know that I would be given that look if I showed up with a much older woman at my side"
"Don't hold me back just let me go please Rose I am beggin let me go".
My heart screamed no and just as everybody important I had ever loved Paul was now gone it seemed I was destined to run this ranch and die an old maid."He sang as he walked down the driveway disappearing into the hot dusky fall. "You'll always be my Texas Rose"
That night I lay quietly sobbing in the bed I had shared with Paul so many times.I had dreamed of my young soldier coming home and of us quietly being wed down at the courthouse in town now that dream would be locked away in a vault in my heart.My heart had been ripped and stolen away by some young war nurse no doubt beautiful and seeking her own adventures.My heart knew what no one else could tell me.That Paul had been mine and that the war had stolen him from me by duty and obligation I knew he didn't really love the nurse he was just doing what he thought was right.His heart would never truely be happy because he had such a wandering soul never happy in one place.
His heart would forever belong to his Texas Rose.

Fan Girl Funnies not so much

So I am sick of pretending and going thru a little drama.I love being a fan of Pink Fuzzy Animals but I don't like the drama that comes with it.I love all the members even though they are going thru changes and I am not really sure who is in and who is out at this point I feel its important to support.With that said I didn't appreciate the stuff I have endured this week.Was it really necessary to call me and gloat just because a person got followed by a band member on Twitter.Not so much I appreciate the fact that your happy but I am done with games .If they could only see what you are really made of.And because I decided to block you because I don't need toxic people that pretend to be my friends I got blocked out of a fan group for a band member not only me but two of my close friends just because you administrate a group doesn't give you the power to kick them out because of a personal problem with them.Kinda stupid and childish and very junior high.So now I am putting it to bed.You are a bully and I am sorry it took me so freaking long to figure that one out.We aren't friends we never can be.
I am done with the matter .I am pretty certain the band would be disgusted to learn fans had been bullied.
I even let you walk over me and stopped making music music is my passion and has been my life for as long as I can remember.
I won't stop.I love what I do I love the Pink Fuzzy Animals but I don't require love and acceptance from band members to be happy.Happiness in the best form is one of my children giving me a hug or sharing what they learned in school.Or hearing those precious sleepy giggles from my sweet toddler.
I will cherish a few things we shared in our convos but I will not cherish the way you hurt me.It wasn't worth it.Goodbye good riddance night night.

Keep It In The Pants

Standing in line to get A marriage license Couple in front say He's 65 she's 18 All I can think is ew He should have kept it in his pants The other day I think I Met this crazy Dino boy Who seduced this stalker fan All I can say is Keep it in your pants Keep it in your pants Keep it in your pants Keep it in your pants unless your doing the baby dance Just keep it in your pants At 21 so hot and heavy Thought I knew the world Mama told us we'd  go to hell Said keep it in your pants If she pissed you off and You hit her in turn Gonna end up in the pokey Should have kept it in your pants When your in a parking lot And your babe looks juicy and hot Then you see a cop Better keep it in your pants Keep it in your pants Keep it in your pants Unless your doing a baby dance Just Keep it in your pants If your a roadie queen And you say you got a plan To bang everyone in the band Just keep it in the pants Keep it in the pants Mama told me Better keep it in your pants

lyrics: Crazy Traveling Touring Music Man

Crazy Traveling Touring Music Man Don't Trample Down This Heart I can't take it anymore Those words will always echo thru my mind I shut the door on love when her dad walked out the door I knew he didn't love me anymore Until you came along Showed me goodness in my heart Right there Between Unicorns and Pillowfights Crazy Traveling Touring Music Man Tutu  Probably Turned me On Crazy Traveling Touring Music Man Pink Fuzzy All Decked Out They Say we've probably just begun But Then you turned and ran Crushed my heart up on the floor Now I can't see too clearly  anymore I hope someday you'll Call I know you really care But Now your Hearts as cold as Bitter Ice You Crazy Traveling Touring Music Man I heard from someone else Said you found a skanky girl Says She'll Spread her Legs Because you have a name I never would have asked to be with you for that You crazy traveling touring Music Man Until you came along Showed me goodness in your heart I know your mine You crazy Music man

Little Hero lyrics

Dreams that started one fall day. Guess we'll have a son Something's missing Something's wrong They Say You'll Come Undone Little Hero Your A Star Little Hero You'll Go Far Little Hero Your the one little hero gotta get things done Woooooooooooooooooooo Woooooooooooooooooooo What You'll Be Who you are Well I know that you'll go far A monkey ,a ninja , a football star Little hero You'll Go Far little hero Who you are Little hero your the one little hero gotta get things done Woooooooooooooooooooooooo Wooooooooooooooooooooooooo little hero you're a star Yes I know they'll be Something's I don't dream little hero who you are Little hero who you are Little hero who you are little hero your my star

New Music

Where to begin that's a huge question?I could write about last Saturday and getting to experience my first Spencer Belll Legacy concert.But I won't tonight I simply wanted to announce I have new music out for the first time in 3 yrs.I There is tremendous healing taking place.I have also realized this my life's work is to be an artist.I already fulfilled one dream meeting the love of my life and having 3 beautiful kids.No matter where this music journey takes me I am ready to fly.

Professionals as Olympians

most of you know how much I love short track speed skating well today I wanted to share my opinion on professional athletes that are highly paid wanting to be in the Olympics.I have always loved the Olympics , the first Olympics I watched were the Winter games of 1984 I was 6.5 yrs old.I remember my heart swelling with pride as I watched the athletes proudly dressed to represent their countries march in.The other memory I have of those games was seeing Scott Hamilton win his Gold medal in figure skating.These memories shaped my love for the movement.Now I mostly follow short track speedskating but I will be watching the London games too.But as we ready for the games I wanted to note that I find it annoying that all these professional athletes want to be part of the movement but they also want to get paid. I feel they are taking away from the amateur athletes who have bled,sweated and cried to participate in their lifelong dream of being an Olympian.These athletes deserve to have their spotlight.So proud of all the Olympic athletes here's to you.

Little Hero

As I prepare to release Little Hero tonight I wanted to share a little bit about the inspiration.The song was written about our youngest child Joshua .He was born with a genetic syndrome called Goldenhar syndrome.We aren't really sure why he was born the way he was but we do know one thing our lives have been forever brightened by this little angel.Characteristics of Goldenhar are most notably children with microtia and aural atresia.In laymens terms he has a little malformed ear on his left side and most of his inner eat bones are missing or in Joshuas case out of place.Joshua will face 2 surgeries that we know of in the future. Thank you Joshua for being such a gift and for showing you mama the true meaning of perfect.

Happy Cloth Diapering Week

I love cloth diapering I love feeling like I am impacting my planet in a positive way .I do use sposies some but for the most part Josh boy is cloth diapered.So happy cloth diapering week.Next blog I am gonna talk about Mama cloth love yes there is such a thing and I have jumped on the bandwagon.

Til We see You Again 100 Monkeys

I need to blog about this too.Just adding my two cents.I fell head over heels in love with this band.
I needed their music at a time when my own music career was stagnate.I had been dealing with all these life events in the last 3 years and I was on this downward spiral.Losing my grandmother,having a very difficult pregnancy and then being blessed with the gift(yes it is a gift because I am learning new things) of raising a child with very specific needs,and finally almost losing someone very special to me last June all contributed to this.
I started falling in love last fall but I didn't really realize my passion for this band til January.
In March came the shock that Jerad Anderson and Jackson Rathbone were leaving and this last week we have come to know that the talented Uncle Larry had decided to move on too.We also learned that there were also no longer going to be 100 Monkeys.The shock might be wearing off just a little.I am still saddened by all the turn of events but what I really want to say is.
I don't think we need to blame the band.I think and I have thought for a long time that it is the people behind the band to blame.Before you go knocking Jackson Rathbone down as the one who caused it all remember that he is a person just like the rest of us and he has feelings as well.I was mad said some things I really regret on Twitter and now wish I could apologize for calling Jackson an asshole.He isn't he is simply walking thru some major hurt and had to make some decisions that he felt needed to be made.Regardless of what those reasons are I still massively love him for the talented ,quirky artist he is.For the artist he inspires me to be but mostly for being one of my musical influences.Keep on rocking dude and get ready for the ride of your life when that little boy makes his appearance soon.To the other members ~Jerad holy cow I greatly admire what you are doing with Watchbox.Thanks for putting a site up that I can watch good movies on.Ben J. for being quietly you and yet so talented many many great things are coming from you .Ben G.I have truely never heard a voice like yours and it inspires me so deeply I can't really say.Looking forward to more.To the talent that is Lawrence Abrams where do you begin your passion and your fire for creating run deep and I know we would be kindred spirits instantly if we sat down to talk.
Finally I want to say welcome to Rob Coonrod and Mat Black .I hope you know what you have gotten yourselves into this crazy ride is like no other .Peace out and Long Live 100 Monkeys and now the Band With No Name.

Being a Musician and Mom

I have had alot of people ask me what it is like being a musician and a mom or more specifically being a musician with a child that is hearing impaired.The fact is straight up all three of my kids inspire me in different ways.Right now my girls are being bullied alot for standing on their own two feet and being who they are as individuals.Larissa especially has gotten bullied because she has the guts to get up and sing an original song she wrote herself at 9 years old.She did so recently at a girl scout talent show and constantly sings on the playground she says she does her best writing there.So what if she sings girl has a love for country music she credits Jennette McCurdy of iCarly and her mama.I am one proud mama.She is going places look out you will probably see her name somewhere.
Natalie oh where to begin .The girl loves pop music or I should say all things Justin Bieber.One of the things I didn't care for growing up is that I wasn't allowed to listen to anything but Christian music.Thats all fine and good but I felt a little sheltered.As I grew up I would sneak the music in I knew what I had to do to be truely inspired as I learned my craft.Yes I was learning.I promise never to restrict your love of music Natalie Joy even if mama is not the biggest fan of Justin Bieber he has worked major hard to get where he is.
Josh oh Josh where to begin.That little boy has my heart and yes he is somewhat of a mama's boy.
Josh had a challenge from the moment he was born with having a rare genetic condition that was not diagnosed before birth.Joshua lives with Goldenhar and in particular one sided deafness everyday.I can't imagine a world where I could only hear a little but Josh has adapted.The kid has a gift for music at just 2 years old.He can drum a perfect beat I predict we will be the parents with a kid in a rock band and thats okay .To my beautiful inspirations keep rocking on.Mama loves you

Felix the Cat

My kids have a new fave cartoon they found on Netflix it is Felix the Cat from like 1958.But I love it because the cartoons from that era are more pure at any rate they are happy.They build puppets and puppet stages to put on puppet shows for the family when Daddy gets home from work.I think Pizza is order for dinner my mom got on my about it it is like she is the weight police.I know I am overweight I know I have a problem but today could you just let me get thru in survival mode with a sick baby.Ah well I will be the little engine that could well a load of diapers are calling to be washed and that cat box won't clean itself so signing off for now.